Decisions

There are days I wake up & I have no idea who I am. Then before I know it I’m going through the motions of some person I’ve only ever seen in my mind. I’m thrust into a life created by the decisions of a person I feel no connection to, and I’m horrified.

It’s terrifying to realize that every action made today will affect tomorrow. & maybe even a decision made today could change your life. Something as simple as a tattoo, or complex as trying something new for the first time.

Over the last couple years, specifically, I feel like I’ve had to make thousands of decisions. & I mean tough ones. I’ve had to make lifestyle decisions that completely changed the way I live & experience. I’ve had to make business decisions that I thought I’d never face. & hell I’ve had to make sideways decisions on fuck shit that I couldn’t ever possibly imagine.

Some of my decisions were really not good a few years back. I would make an asshole of myself on the internet. I was partying like hell and doing a ton of drugs. I got hurt. Over & over & over again until finally I decided that the decisions I was making were inviting this bad stuff into my life. So luckily, I got to a point where I made a couple good decisions, and started living different.

Now I’m by zero fuckin means perfect. The last couple years I’ve gotten into plenty of garbage. I’ve managed to like halfway destroy my reputation. One person will tell you I’m the best guy you’ll ever meet, and the next will say the complete opposite. I’ve yelled & been flat out mean to couple people. Probably said a couple things that I shouldn’t have said.

At least I’m aware. I do try to be better. I can’t help what people think of me. I can’t dispel rumors or change people’s minds. But I can change. & I think a lot of the people who are close to me, and really know who I am would agree that I have changed a lot in the last couple years.

I gotta say, that I’m also willing to defend myself. I’ve been told of rumors that are just nuts. It sucks, it’s hurtful, but it also is telling in that there are people actively spreading lies about me. What I find truly hilarious about this is that not one person has confronted me. Of all the people spreading lies, and talking bad, and saying this or that… not a single one of them has had the balls to say it to me.

I’ve had to fight to make my path in this world. I’m not gonna sit here and type out a bullshit story about my poverty stricken childhood. I come from a middle class family of hard working people. Nothing was given to any of us. As for me: I’ve been making art my whole life. I had to work hard to become successful in art. I saved all of my money & spent months traveling & researching, looking for tattoo apprenticeship. I damn near broke my back the last 8 years working at the craft. I did it all alone, with very little help.

I had to make a lot of decisions. These decisions were made without guidance, or mentorship. & I had to really work on my mental to get to the point where I could slow myself down and try to make good decisions. Basically… I had to learn the hard way.

I’m not happy about it. I think if I were in a different environment, things would’ve gone different. I’m sure the environment within myself could’ve been better. But I’ve been treated bad. I’ve never had someone “have my back”. I’ve been mismanaged, attacked with malice, lied to, lied about. Damn near all of this happened in Louisville.

People have asked why I’m leaving. Here: Couple years back I got completely burned out on tattooing the trendy place I had been pigeonholed into, decided I needed to make some changes. I decided to focus on a different style of tattooing, and I was going to bring someone into my studio to do the void I was leaving behind. Ended up having an apprentice for a long time & they became bonafide. This was happening over ‘23 into ‘24 when tattoo biz just reallllllllllllyyyyyyy slowed down. When this happens you have a couple options, I ended up doubling down and deciding I wanted to expand and open up a badass tat shack. Ended up taking on a second apprentice, & started looking for a space to rent. Boom, 5 Star is closing, & what perfect timing… I was just looking for a potential tattoo shop and what do you know one literally goes up for rent in a perfect spot. I literally thought the stars were starting to align for me… after years of toil & hard labor. Well, that didn’t last long. I was literally the first person to inquire, but there was some back end deal & the landlord didn’t even bother to call me back & tell me what had happened. I spent like two or three months working on that deal, just to have it swiped away by none other than my last boss (who fired me in 2019 via text because of some bs were he should’ve had my back). This was a huge blow, and I was back to square one. Immediately followed by something that happened within my studio that I won’t get into here, but long story longer I practically lost my coworker. So in August of ‘24 I’m at square one, with an apprentice who is not getting it, and all around my dream of this badass tat shack is quickly fading. I begin to yearn for better. I tell the people working in the studio that the ship is sinking & they should find a new place to work come Spring. I look around Louisville, no where I’m willing/ wanting to work. Half the people here have given me reason to not wanna work for them, the other half wouldn’t want me or be a good fit. I start lookin outside of Louisville, which means that I have to look for a place where I could (ideally) quickly generate business. Lucky fuckin duck I found a place in Colorado that is 10x cooler & healthier & nicer & prettier than where I’m at now. & they love me, & they want me to be there. Unlike Louisville, where I’m hated by half the people here for made up or fuckin bullshit reasons. I understand that I’ve gotten a lot of love here, but I won’t settle for a spoonful of medicine followed by a spoonful of poison. Fuck me I think I deserve at least a lil better. So I’m gonna go chase it.

* During all this time I moved into a house I bought with a pretty longterm girlfriend and it was nice for like 5 minutes and then all hell broke loose when we discovered the street was infested with violent bums and drug addicts and she wouldn’t walk the dog after dark in our own fucking neighborhood in Clifton for the love of fucking wow and we tried and tried and tried to make it work but it just didnt so she moved out after one year and i’ve been left here alone battling the street I’ve given speeches at city hall and screamed and threatened people and got text messages on my phone from neighbors thanking me for cleaning up the street I mean just insane stuff here folks I could go on all damn day but I’m done with this part of the story.

I just want whoever is reading this, at this point, to understand that there are a million reasons I am done with Louisville, and I’m hell bent on leaving for good. Doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for the success I’ve had here. Doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for my amazing badass clients that push me to make awesome tattoos & sit forever & pay top price to get them done. Doesn’t mean I won’t ever visit my friends or family here…. But I am absolutely done living my life here. I’ve worked too hard to be living in a place where folks talk shit about me, where I got bums waving guns at me, and I can’t get a motherfucking soul to help me with any of this shit. My friends & family barely know how to talk to me about it all because it’s just so crazy fucked up.

I have made a decision to put myself into an environment, that I have carefully chosen, with the hope that this will improve my quality of life. I’m so grateful that this all happened the way it did, and that I do have an opportunity. Otherwise I’d be lost.

Love me or hate me, I deserve respect. & if you disagree, I encourage you to tell me.